Shards
by Alec Star
Summary: A series of scenes from Kara's childhood.
1. Scene 1: Unanswered Prayers

**_Shards  
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**_Author:_** Alec Star

**_Disclaimer:_** I don't own the concepts, I don't own the characters, I make no money, I make no sense and I get no sleep.

**_Summary:_** This is a series of scenes from Kara's childhood. It is also my first real attempt at 'reverse-engineering' a character, so please be gentle.

**_Spoilers:_** None really (there are references to a couple of things that were mentioned in 'Flesh and Bone', 'Valley of Darkness' and 'The Farm' but nothing specific seeing how all of these scenes take place long before the mini-series). Also I have to say that I started planning this before 'Resurrection Ship' aired so --just to be on the safe side-- let's say that it goes AU after 'Flight of the Phoenix' even when it comes to references to past events.

**_Warnings:_** Non-descriptive references to child abuse.

**_Rating:_** T (at least for now).

**_Additional notes:_** This was originally posted as a one-shot called 'Unanswered Prayers'. The story has been renamed and the original fic is now the first scene of the series. I'm going to try to update this on a weekly basis.

**_As always, feedback is deeply appreciated!_**

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Scene 1: Unanswered Prayers  
(Age: 7)

Kara was lying on her bed, as still as she could, wishing she could make herself invisible but knowing better than to try to hide. Down the hall her parents were arguing, **_again_**, and --as she did all too often-- she prayed to the Gods for silence... and she also prayed that **_she_** wouldn't come looking for her tonight. Unfortunately Kara knew all too well how slim the chances were that the Gods would actually listen to her prayers.

She knew what was going to happen, of course. After all, even though she was only seven years old, she had been listening to her parents going at it ever since she could remember. She knew that the fights always started the same way: her dad would come home and find that her mom had been drinking and --if she hadn't passed out yet-- they would start arguing about it, getting louder and louder. Soon enough she would hear something being thrown against the wall and then she would hear the front door being slammed shut as her father left... and then her mother would come staggering into her room. That was the part she dreaded the most.

Kara didn't really know what she'd done to make her mom so mad, just like she didn't know why the Gods never answered her prayers, though at times she thought maybe it was because her mother was right, maybe the Gods refused to answer because she deserved it. That was the only thing that made sense.

She had ruined her mother's life, she knew that much, but she didn't know **_how_** she'd ruined it. Sometimes she thought that if only she could figure out what it was that she'd done wrong, maybe she would be able to fix it. Unfortunately she **_didn't_** know, she could never really figure that one out and that meant that there was nothing she could do about it. That was the reason why she did the only thing that was left for her to do: she prayed to the Gods, even though she knew they wouldn't listen, she prayed even as she heard the front door being slammed shut and her mother's footsteps coming closer.


	2. Scene 2: A Sort of Haven

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see scene 1_**

Scene 2: A Sort of Haven  
(Age: 7)

That morning Kara got herself ready for school on her own, though --truth be told-- that was not exactly an unusual occurrence so she didn't really give it much thought. She was used to being on her own --to having to take care of herself-- so she got up, got dressed, poured herself a glass of milk for breakfast and brushed her teeth before heading out the door. She wished her dad had been up to wait for the school bus with her but it didn't happen. She really liked it when he did that but she figured he was still asleep, after all, she hadn't even heard him come back the night before so...

She didn't want to think about the night before, it wasn't like thinking about it would change anything anyway... besides, she just wanted to forget. In fact being able to forget was enough to make school worth while as far as she was concerned... well, almost. Being at school was a lot better than being at home --that was for sure-- but it was no picnic.

The classes were dull and more often than not the other kids would tease her because her clothes were dirty and threadbare. They kept calling her 'stinky Kara' but she was used to it. She wasn't popular and she didn't have many friends but she didn't really care all that much about that. She just wanted to be left alone so --for the most part-- the whole not having many friends thing actually suited her just fine, though at times she did wish that the other kids would stop teasing her. As far as she was concerned the most important thing was that being in school meant being away from home, it meant being away from her mom while her dad was at work... it meant being safe, even if it wasn't much fun and even if her teacher kept yelling at her to pay attention.

Well, if nothing else at least her teacher never hit her... even if she didn't like her.

Her teacher liked the smart kids, the good kids, the ones who did their homework, learned their lessons and sat still for hours. Kara wasn't one of them. She knew all too well that she was pretty stupid. She had heard it said often enough and it wasn't like she didn't have plenty of reminders... besides, even if no one had ever told her she was dumb, her grades would still have been more than enough to get that point across loud and clear. She was always on the verge of flunking and she kept getting in trouble no matter what she did.

Once she had even fallen asleep in class.

That had been embarrassing --especially 'cos she had woken up screaming and everyone had laughed at her-- and her teacher had been really, really mad. Kara had tried to explain to her that she hadn't done it on purpose but her teacher hadn't been in the mood to listen.

Well, at least when she'd fallen asleep she had been still, for the most part. Usually her teacher kept yelling at her because she was squirming and fidgeting, because she was a distraction or because she wasn't paying enough attention. Kara tried to sit still, she really did, but she couldn't. She couldn't even understand how the other kids did it. As far as she was concerned sitting still was damned near impossible... especially because her chair wasn't all that comfortable and most of the time finding a position that **_didn't_** hurt was hard.

That was going to be a problem that day, Kara knew it, but she also knew that there was nothing she could do about it so she was going to have no choice but to deal. That was okay though, after all, it wasn't like having a sore back was a big deal or anything like that.


	3. Scene 3: Empty Drawers

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Scene 3: Empty Drawers  
(Age: 7)

As happened all too often, when she got home Kara found her mother sitting in front of a half-empty bottle of ambrosia... actually it wasn't really half-empty, it was almost completely empty. That wasn't good and she knew it so she decided to try to avoid her. Kara was hoping her mom would be too drunk to notice she was home but unfortunately luck wasn't on her side... not that **_that_** came as much of a surprise.

"He's gone," spat out her mother as Kara tried to make her way past the kitchen.

Kara didn't know how to respond, she didn't even know what her mother was talking about, though at least she was relieved by the fact that she **_wasn't_** yelling at her. Not knowing what else to do Kara just stood there, frozen in place, desperately wanting to get away but not daring to take another step for fear of making matters worse.

"What? Aren't you going to say anything, you little shit? He left because of you and he's not coming back! We were fine before you came along and screwed everything up!"

"I'm sorry," said Kara, not really knowing what it was that she was apologizing for, not sure of what it was that she was supposed to have done this time around but growing more and more worried by the second.

"You are not sorry but I promise you, you will be," growled her mother, rather menacingly, but luckily she made no move to get up, she just reached for her bottle and poured herself another shot.

Realizing that chances were her mom was in no shape to come after her, at least for the time being, Kara gathered her courage and backed away, even as her mother kept cursing at her.

By the time Kara finally made it to her room she was terrified. That had been bad, **_really_** bad. Even though her mom got plastered on a daily basis Kara had rarely seen her **_that_** drunk so early in the afternoon and she knew that meant there was something wrong. She knew something was happening, something big. The problem was that she didn't have a clue as to what that 'something' was. Who had left? That was the most important question. Well, the only 'he' in the house was her dad but he would never leave her, Kara knew that much. The problem was that her mom had been clear: she had said that **_he_** was gone and there was no other he so she couldn't quite get the idea out of her mind.

At the thought of her dad being gone Kara started to tremble and then she felt the tears running down her face. She wiped them away with her sleeve feeling rather stupid. She knew crying was a waste of time, she knew it never helped, she knew it only showed how weak she was and yet she couldn't stop herself. She tried to tell herself that it couldn't possibly be true, that he wouldn't leave her so it had to be a lie but it wasn't working.

Knowing that she had to find herself some answers, Kara decided to venture out of the relative safety of her own room. Very quietly she made her way to her parents bedroom. She knew that if her mom were to catch her in there she would be in a world of hurt but that didn't really matter, for once she didn't really care.

She didn't know what it was that she was looking for. She didn't exactly have a plan and she didn't really know what it was that she was expecting to find but in spite of that it took her only a moment to come across the answers she had been looking for.

Her father's clothes were gone, his drawers were empty and in that moment Kara realized that her mother had been telling the truth.

Her dad was gone, he wasn't coming back... and he hadn't even said goodbye.


	4. Scene 4: Birthday Wishes

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Scene 4: Birthday Wishes  
(Age: 8)

Kara was kind of hoping her dad would call, even though she knew chances were he wouldn't. He hadn't called once since he'd left but Kara couldn't help but wish that he would remember that it was her birthday. Of course, it didn't really feel much like a birthday but maybe that was because --as her mom said-- the fact that she was alive wasn't exactly something worth celebrating. She was Stinky Kara and she knew it so what was she supposed to do, ask her mom to throw her a party? Yeah, right, even if she could get her mom to agree to **_that_** --something Kara knew all too well was never going to happen-- she knew no one would come, just like no one had come the year before. Still she wished her dad would call.

That was the only thing she really wanted. She had been missing him a lot lately, especially because her mom had been drinking more than ever since he'd left... and it wasn't like she **_hadn't_** been drinking more than enough before that.

Wanting to feel closer to her dad, Kara sat on the bench in front of her father's piano. That piano was the only thing that was left of him in the whole apartment, mostly due to the fact that it was way too big for her mom to toss it out the window when she got mad.

Kara could easily remember how she used to spend hours watching her dad play --sometimes sitting on the floor, sometimes sitting on the bench by his side. She used to be fascinated by the way in which his fingers seemed to fly unerringly over the keyboard... and she also remembered the music. That was another thing that had left the apartment with her dad but Kara could still hear it in her mind, she could hear it whenever she closed her eyes.

She could also remember what it had been like when her dad had tried to teach her to play. That had been a lot of fun... at least when her mom wasn't around to make fun of her or to yell at her to stop that infernal noise. Kara wasn't kidding herself, she knew she wasn't any good at it and she knew she couldn't really play anything beyond a few very simple songs, but her dad had never laughed at her for making mistakes, he'd just told her not to worry about it. He'd said that learning to play the piano was supposed to take years and that --as long as she kept practicing-- he was sure she was going to get better at it in the end.

Lost in the past, Kara soon found herself lifting the lid of the keyboard and absentmindedly tracing patterns on the keys. She didn't really dare try to play --not while her mom was sleeping the better part of a bottle of ambrosia on the couch only a few feet away-- but just being there made her feel a lot better. Being there reminded her of what being with her dad had been like and she really needed to remember... especially because deep down she knew he wasn't going to call, she knew it even though she couldn't quite bring herself to admit it, not even to herself.

Without fully realizing what she was doing, Kara started to play an old song her dad had taught her before he'd left. It told the story of a butterfly that fell in love with a sailor and followed him out to sea, even though the sailor never even noticed that the butterfly was there. That song had always been one of Kara's favorites and, seeing how it was easy enough, her fingers were moving almost without her being aware of it.

The sound of the piano was deeply soothing, in fact it was almost hypnotic, and after a few minutes Kara found herself relaxing as she surrendered to the melody.

The music was the one thing she had left from her dad... even if he wasn't there to teach her anymore and even if she had to hide whenever she wanted to play, whenever she wanted to practice as he had told her she should. The music was also the only thing she'd shared with her dad that she knew her mom would never be able to take away from her... or so she thought until she screamed in agony as her mother slammed the lid on her hands...

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**_Author's notes_**: Hi guys, okay, I have to admit that this was a difficult scene for me to write, among other things because I had to make a decision in terms of whether I was going to go with a widely accepted explanation or try to come up with a different one. The fact that all of Kara's fingers were broken when she was a child is canon, that was never really an issue. The problem is that even though the explanation involving the lid of her father's piano is widely accepted, it is also an explanation I'm not entirely sure fits the facts. The reason is simple: when playing the piano, children usually have to position their hands further into the keyboard than adults because otherwise they can't really reach the black keys without a major adjustment and that means that chances are the lid would have slammed on the back of her hands rather than on her fingers. In the end, however, I decided against trying to come up with an alternative explanation because --whether it is accurate or not-- the existing one **_is_** widely accepted. 


	5. Scene 5: Long Sleeves

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Scene 5: Long Sleeves  
(Age: 10)

Kara was well aware of the funny looks she was getting and they weren't doing anything to make her more comfortable, not by a long shot. Yes, she knew that wearing long sleeves on one of the warmest days of the year was weird --and it wasn't exactly the most pleasant thing either-- but she also knew she didn't really have much of a choice. Explaining the occasional bruise on her face was hard enough as it was but trying to come up with an explanation for the hand-shaped ones currently peppering her arms would have been almost impossible and she knew it... especially because this time around she had a teacher who kept asking questions no matter what she said. That was a new problem, one she had never really had before and the truth was that it was driving her crazy.

Kara couldn't help but think that after twenty or thirty times her teacher should have gotten the message that '**_NO_**', there wasn't anything she wanted to tell her and given up but apparently the woman just didn't know how to take a hint. She kept throwing her looks that were full of pity, she kept pretending that she cared and **_that_** was getting on Kara's nerves... especially because she knew she didn't, not really. No one did.

Besides, Kara couldn't really understand what the big deal was supposed to be. So what if she had a couple of bruises every now and then? It wasn't like that was something new or anything like that. She was used to it and she didn't need anyone's help. She didn't need anyone's pity, she didn't want to be anyone's charity case and she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. She had been doing it for almost three years... or maybe even longer.

Sure, things had taken a major turn for the worse after her dad had left but even before that he hadn't always been around, not that **_that_** had been his fault. Her dad had had a job to do and because of that he hadn't always been there to take care of her but ever since he'd left... okay that **_really_** didn't bear thinking about.

The point was that, even though things sometimes got kind of rough, Kara knew there was nothing her teacher could do about any of it. After all, it wasn't like asking her mom not to drink or not to beat her was likely to do much good. In fact something like that would only serve to make her mom mad and matters worse, Kara was well aware of that. She may not have been the brightest kid around but that was one lesson she had learned well: she knew she had to keep her mouth shut because --even though things were far from perfect-- in the end her mom was all she had. Sure, Kara knew her mom only took care of her because she didn't have a choice, she knew she only put up with her because it was her duty, but the bottom line was that her mom was willing to put up with her and **_that_** was still a lot better than nothing.

Nothing, that was exactly what Kara knew she would have without her mom. She knew no one would ever like her and that brought her back to the other thing she couldn't quite figure out: why should her teacher care about what happened to her anyway? It wasn't like it was **_her_** problem. None of her other teachers had ever cared what happened to her so what did her current one hope to gain by pretending to give a damn? That was something Kara couldn't quite figure out. She had tried to make some sort of sense out of it, to figure out what her teacher's game was but no matter how hard she tried she just didn't understand.

All Kara wanted was to be left alone. She didn't need her teacher's pity, she didn't need her teacher's 'help'... as far as she was concerned her life was nobody's business but her own. Now if only she could get said teacher to understand that...


	6. Scene 6: Of Spaces Big and Small

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see scene 1_**

Scene 6: Of Spaces Big and Small  
(Age: 10)

Kara was sitting in the back of the school bus, looking out the window and trying desperately to avoid drawing too much attention to herself as she did most of the time, the problem was that the close quarters meant she couldn't exactly get away from all the teasing. That left her with no choice but to try to tune it all out, luckily 'tuning it out' was something she'd gotten pretty good at over the years and she wasn't about to let her classmates ruin the day for her.

It had been a good day, a lot better than she had been hoping for, but at the same time there was no denying that she was more than a little shaken by some of the things she'd seen. **_That_** had been unexpected.

She had always enjoyed field trips --especially because it wasn't like her mom ever took her anywhere-- but the truth was that when she'd first heard that they were going to the Space Museum she hadn't really been all that enthused about it. Space had never been one of her favorite things, far from it.

She was familiar with it, of course. After all, before her mom had been discharged from the Marines she had been assigned all over the Twelve Colonies and Kara could still remember having to move from one world to another time and time again... and what she remembered of those moves was anything but pleasant. She knew she would never forget the long hours spent in dark, cold military freighters that had made her feel almost as if she were trapped in an oversized closet. She'd hated those ships with a passion, just like she'd always hated small spaces she couldn't escape... kind of like the bus, though at least the bus had windows. That was certainly more than could be said about those freighters.

The thing was that, because of those experiences, Kara had learned early on to associate outer space with tiny, almost claustrophobic places. She had never really had a chance to look at the stars or the planets before and that was one of the main reasons why the beauty of some of the images prominently displayed all over the museum had caught her so totally off-guard.

The photos were awesome and they'd shown her a side of space that was different from anything she could ever have imagined. For the first time in her life Kara found herself wondering if maybe there was more to space than a big chunk of nothing that served no real purpose other than to give her teachers more useless facts for her to memorize --or fail to memorize-- like the names of all 113 planets orbiting around the suns of the Twelve Colonies and so on.

The photos had been the beginning, the first thing that had caught her attention and made her realize that maybe space was not so bad after all, but the thing that had really turned her world upside down, the thing Kara couldn't get out of her head as the bus made its way back to the school, was the final exhibit: the Vipers display.

She had seen the ships before in movies and so on, just like everyone else, but she had never given them much thought and she'd certainly never actually been able to get close to one of them before. Now that she had she couldn't stop thinking about them... or about the possibility of being out there, alone. That was the key.

The way Kara saw it, Viper pilots flew alone and they also fought alone. **_That_** was something she could understand, something she could relate to... maybe it was the **_only_** thing she could understand and that was the reason why the idea of being able to fly one of those ships suddenly seemed so appealing. If nothing else at least Viper pilots were in control of their own fates. If they were good enough, if they were fast enough, no one could touch them, not even the Cylons. It was as simple as that.

Of course, even though all of a sudden she couldn't quite stop thinking about flying, about the possibility of actually being in a Viper's cockpit, Kara knew it was never going to happen. She knew there was no way anyone would ever let a screw up like her anywhere near one of those ships for real and she knew that if her mom were to hear that she was even thinking about it she would laugh her ass off but Kara couldn't help it.

As far as she was concerned there had been something almost magical about the Vipers, something that had called out to her like nothing she had ever encountered before, nothing except maybe her father's piano. Of course, **_that_** was something she desperately wanted to forget.

The thing was that she had been drawn to the Vipers and even though she knew she would never really have a chance to fly one of them, just the fact that she had actually been able to be in the same room with those ships --even if it was only in a museum-- was something that had touched Kara more deeply than she'd ever thought possible.


	7. Scene 7: The Wall

_**For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1  
**Additional warning (sort of): this particular scene could be considered mildly descriptive._

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Scene 7: The Wall  
(Age: 10)

Kara's head was throbbing as she tried to focus on her math test but apparently the page was determined to remain a blur... an annoyingly **_bright_** blur. The light was hurting her eyes and she didn't really seem to be able to concentrate no matter what she did but --as was too often the case-- there was nothing she could do about it.

Sure, the idea of just closing her eyes and resting her head on her desk for a moment sounded incredibly appealing but Kara knew that was **_definitely_** not an option. To make matters worse, her thoughts kept drifting back to the night before, or what she could remember of it. Unfortunately in some places her memory seemed to be about as blurry as her math test.

Her mom had been beyond pissed --she remembered that much-- and Kara had the bruises to prove it... not that **_that_** was unusual. The thing was that even though she knew the previous night had been pretty bad, there were a number of things Kara couldn't quite figure out, starting with exactly what it was that she'd done to make her mom so mad in the first place. That wasn't good, it meant she couldn't be sure it **_wouldn't_** happen again. As best as she could tell she had either startled her mom or she had made too much noise, though the only thing she could really remember was her mom suddenly turning around, lifting her by her upper arms and slamming her back against a wall time and time again as she made her repeat that she was worthless.

It had been pretty scary. From the moment her mom had lifted her off the ground there had been absolutely nothing she could do. She had been nothing but a passenger and that had been terrifying but it had also been more than a little weird.

Kara was pretty used to her mom losing it and as a result she usually knew how to minimize the damage. How to roll with the punches was a lesson she'd learned early on, but the thing was that while she was being slammed against the wall the night before there had been one moment when everything had seemed to shift, just for an instant, one so brief Kara couldn't help but wonder if it had been something real, if it had happened at all.

She remembered the back of her head hitting the wall behind her, hard, and then all of a sudden --and against all odds-- the pain had disappeared. In that moment she had seen something in her mother's eyes, something she had never seen before. As she'd looked into her mother's eyes Kara had seen a gleam there that had made her wonder if she was ever going to stop.

That had lasted only a fraction of a second and then the pain had come crashing down on her with a vengeance but that fraction of a second had been more than enough. For the first time in her life Kara had found herself wondering if her mom was actually going to kill her... and not really caring about it. In fact, in that instant --as the pain had come back, totally overwhelming her-- she had almost welcomed the possibility.

That had been the weird part. It wasn't that the beating had been the worst she'd ever received --not by a long shot-- nor was it that she **_wanted_** to die, not really. It was just that the thought that her mom might someday actually go too far had never really crossed her mind before and **_that_** was the part that had shocked her the most, the part she couldn't stop thinking about no matter what she did.

What would have happened if her mom had actually killed her? That was something Kara had never even considered before. As dumb as it sounded, the idea that she might actually die was one that had never really crossed her mind. As for what would have happened if her mom had killed her, she didn't really know, she didn't really care, though there was one thing she did know for sure: it wasn't like anyone would have missed her... and that was fine with her.


	8. Scene 8: The Other Side of the Wall

_**For notes warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1  
**Additional warning: While absolutely non-descriptive, this chapter could probably be described as deeply disturbing (see author's notes at the end for somewhat spoilerish additional information)._

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Scene 8: The Other Side of the Wall  
(Age: 10)

As soon as Kara got home she heard them. Great! By the sound of things her mom and her man of the month were going at it hard. Well, if nothing else at least the good news was that apparently this time around they **_weren't_** in the living room. That was definitely an advantage.

Rolling her eyes, Kara made her way to her room, determined to ignore the sounds coming from the other side of the wall as best she could, though the truth was that --in a freaky kind of way-- those sounds were kind of comforting. In a freaky kind of way those sounds were more than a little reassuring.

Kara really didn't like her mom's current boyfriend but --seeing how she had no say on the matter-- the only thing she could do was to try to stay out of his way... not that **_that_** was always possible. Unlike most of the ones that had come before him, the guy her mom was dating didn't just ignore her, sometimes he actually came looking for her and --even though she **_really_** didn't like that-- Kara knew all too well that she couldn't fight him off any more than she could fight off her mom.

Besides, deep down she knew that trying to fight back would have been a bad idea. Trying to fight back would only have served to either make him mad --and matters worse-- or to get him to leave. Sure, the idea of him leaving sounded great in theory but the problem with that was that Kara knew that would make her mom really, **_really_** mad and **_that_** was something she desperately wanted to avoid. It was better just to try to endure and wait for him to get tired and leave on his own.

Of course, the fact that her mom's current boyfriend was one of her least favorite ones didn't mean that the ones that had come before him had been much better. In fact, in the three years since her dad had left, her mom had gone through almost three dozen guys and Kara hadn't liked a single one of them. None of them were exactly what she would have described as 'nice men', not by a long shot. They were all there for one thing and one thing only. For the most part they didn't even bother trying to pretend that they cared, of course --as far as Kara was concerned-- that was definitely a lot better than having any of them trying to play happy families.

The thing was that, no matter how much she despised some of the men her mom had brought into their home, and in spite of the fact that as far as she was concerned they ranged from bad to awful, Kara knew that, for the most part, they were the ones who kept food on the table and clothes on her back. That was the bottom line, especially because she knew her mom was drinking so much that there was no way she could even hope to keep a job for more than a couple of weeks. In fact, ever since she had been discharged from the Marines, her mom had switched jobs more often than she had switched men and that was saying something.

The way Kara saw it they came, they frakked and they left. That was all there was to it... or at least that was all there was to it **_usually_**. Unfortunately there were also some exceptions to that rule, exceptions like the man currently frakking her mother in the next room.

Kara knew that as long as her mom kept her boyfriend 'busy' she was safe. She knew that as long as they were frakking neither one of them was going to come looking for her. That meant that, with a little luck, maybe they would leave her alone long enough for her to at least finish her homework. Sure, homework didn't exactly rate near the top of Kara's list of favorite things to do but,seeing how her teacher was on the nosy end of the spectrum, she knew she had to be careful not to give her an excuse to pull her aside for one of her 'talks'. Besides, even if she didn't like doing her homework, it wasn't like she had anything better to do, especially if she didn't want to draw their attention once they were done.

Kara knew it was still pretty early, she knew the day was still far from over and that was not necessarily a good thing, not to mention that she still had a very long night ahead of her but maybe --if she was really, **_really_** lucky-- for once her mom's boyfriend would actually get what he wanted from her mom. That was what she was counting on because it would mean that maybe, just maybe, he would have no reason to come looking for her once her mom had passed out.

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**_Author's notes_**: Hi guys, okay I'm wearing my fire-retardant suit, just to be on the safe side, but before you flame me to a crisp please give me a chance to explain **_why_** I decided to include this scene. 

First of all, I know there are no explicit references in canon to Kara being sexually abused as a child and I know many would argue that the fact that her mother is depicted as something of a religious fanatic can be seen as evidence against such a thing. The only problem with that theory is that it is based on the assumption that the Colonials' religion shares its core values when it comes to sex with monotheistic earth religions and that is a pretty big stretch (in fact it would seem to contradict most of what we see on-screen in terms of the characters' attitudes toward sex). In other words, while the objection would seem to be a natural one from our perspective, it can't really withstand much scrutiny in the context of the show.

On the other hand, given the fact that I've been going with a scenario in which Kara's mother is an alcoholic who has a hard time holding a regular job, it is not too far-fetched to assume that she would bring a long string of rather unsavory 'boyfriends' into her daughter's life... and the sad fact is that under those circumstances what would have been unusual would have been for Kara **_not_** to have been molested at some point.

Either way, this is the only scene in the series dealing with this particular subject.

Thanks for putting up with me and please review!

Alec


	9. Scene 9: Do You Hunger for This

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Scene 9: Do You Hunger for This  
(Age: 13)

The good news was that her mom had managed to land a job waiting tables at a diner in the afternoons and she had even been able to keep that job for more than three weeks. The great news was that, because of her mom's new schedule, Kara could easily go for several days without seeing her at all. She was usually asleep by the time her mother came home after drinking away most of her tips for the day and her mom was never up by the time Kara was out the door. The bad news was that her mom had managed to land a job waiting tables at a diner in the afternoons and she had been able to keep that job for more than three weeks.

Yes, Kara was aware that the bad news sounded remarkably similar to the good news but the truth was that she was getting more than a little desperate. The fact that her mom was waiting tables meant that **_she_** was getting two full meals a day and as a result she hadn't gone grocery shopping since she'd first landed that job. **_That_** was a problem.

Kara had been trying to ration whatever groceries had been left for over a week but that had only gone so far and even those had finally run out so she hadn't had anything to eat in well over twenty-four hours. Her stomach was really starting to cramp, she was feeling like crap and the only thing left in the apartment was her mother's supply of ambrosia. Unfortunately, even though she knew what the problem was, she didn't really know what to do about it.

Sure, at least in theory Kara was more than capable of going shopping on her own, there remained, however, one major problem with that particular theory: in order to do some shopping she would have needed money and Kara didn't have a single cubit to her name. In other words --while buying something to eat would have seemed like the logical thing for her to do-- realistically speaking it wasn't much of an option. For a moment she even considered the possibility of pointing the situation out to her mother but she dismissed that idea almost immediately. Asking her mom for **_anything_** was a dangerous proposition and she knew it, besides it never really helped. That left desperate measures.

Figuring out that she had to find a way to either get some money or to get something to eat was the easy part, the hard part was figuring out how to pull it off.

She knew shoplifting wasn't an option. It wasn't so much that she was worried about it being wrong, it was mostly that she knew she couldn't run the risk of getting caught. Kara knew she had to keep a low profile if she didn't want a bunch of busybodies asking a ton of questions she wasn't willing to answer and getting caught shoplifting definitely **_wouldn't_** have qualified as keeping a low profile. Unfortunately the need to keep a low profile also ruled out the possibility of her trying to get a job... not that anyone would have hired her anyway.

She went over her options in her head for the umpteenth time but no matter how many times she did that, those options remained almost non-existent. The most she could come up with was that her best bet was to try to make some money while she was in school. That way, even if she were to get caught, she probably wouldn't find herself in too much trouble. Kara knew her teachers had already written her off as a lost cause so they probably wouldn't make a big deal out of whatever she did... at least not as long as no one got hurt.

Well, if she was going to have to come up with a way to solve her problem at school that would probably mean figuring out a way to get some of the other kids to part with either their lunch or their lunch money... besides, it wasn't like **_they_** couldn't afford it.

Having made up her mind in that regard, Kara was left to struggle with a couple of questions: who and how... especially the how. The fact was that she was in the eighth grade. That meant she was at the bottom of the pecking order and besides, even if that **_hadn't_** been the case, one thing she wasn't was a bully.

That meant that she was going to have to figure out a way to fleece some of the older kids and **_that_** was likely to turn out to be a bit of a challenge... not to mention that pissing them off probably wouldn't be the safest of ideas either.

In other words, Kara knew she was going to have to be very careful, but that didn't necessarily mean that the whole situation was hopeless. In fact she suddenly realized that --if she played her cards right-- it could actually turn out to be like taking candy from a baby... with a strong emphasis on the playing her cards right.

She had seen some of the older kids playing triad and **_that_** was something she figured she could do, heck, she knew she could beat them with her eyes closed. After all --if nothing else-- the one thing she'd learned by watching some of her mom's boyfriends over the years was how to play triad and win. Her mom's boyfriends had never been particularly fond of losing and as a result one of the things she had learned from watching them was how to play dirty. Besides, seeing how she was younger --and a girl-- she was pretty sure she could fool some of the older kids into thinking she was an easy mark.

Well, **_that_** was definitely something she could work with, or at least it should have been. There remained, however, one seemingly insurmountable obstacle: to play triad with the older kids she needed a few cubits and if she'd had that money she wouldn't have been in such a mess in the first place... okay, so maybe that wasn't entirely true. Kara knew she would need a lot less money to get herself a place at the table than she would have required to solve her current problem --and, unlike shopping, getting a place at the table would basically be a one time deal-- however, seeing how she **_didn't_** have those few cubits to begin with, the distinction was mostly academic.

In other words, while playing triad could turn out to be a pretty reliable option to avoid another mess like the one she was currently facing, it was **_not_** a solution this time around. This time around she had to figure out a way to get her hands on someone else's money **_without_** risking any of her own.

That left her with no choice but to go with plan B, and plan B was bound to be dangerous. She had seen more than one of her classmates get in trouble by falling for a dare from the upper classmen, some of whom seemed to get their kicks out of getting freshmen to try something dumb, like stealing the picture of the principal's wife that the man kept on his desk. Now, while Kara **_wasn't_** willing to risk her neck on something as stupid as a dare, she figured that if she could talk them into transforming that dare into a bet things could actually work out.

Besides, what was the worst thing that could happen to her? Getting caught? It wasn't like anyone would be surprised to catch her doing something dumb or anything like that. She was a screw up so screwing up was pretty much what was expected of her anyway.

Yes, **_that_** should work... maybe.

* * *

**_Author's notes_**: Hi guys, so Kara is now a teenager. Anyway, one thing I had to figure out for this part was how the Colonial school system was going to be organized. I decided to go with seven years grade school and five years high school, just to make it a little alien. I hope that wasnít too confusing.

Now, would I sound to pathetic if I were to say 'please review'?

Thanks for reading,

Alec


	10. Scene 10: Everyone Has a Skill

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Scene 10: Everyone Has a Skill  
(Age: 13)

Kara did her best not to listen to the groans as her PE teacher assigned her to one of the teams. She knew her 'teammates' were anything but happy at the thought of her being there --and she wasn't particularly thrilled at the prospect herself-- but the bottom line was that they weren't being given a choice so they were just going to have to deal, all of them.

Still, knowing better than to say anything --and wanting to get away from her so-called-teammates' glares for as long as she could-- Kara made her way to the back of the stands to wait for her turn. After all, it wasn't like she had anything better to do for the first half of the class, seeing how she was in the fourth and final team. That was definitely a downside of being 'Thrace'. She really would have liked to get the whole stupid thing over with as soon as possible but, with her last name being what it was, that wasn't going to happen and she knew it.

She was only half paying attention to what was going on in the court but still she couldn't help but wince when one kid slammed hard into another one, causing him to take what looked like a pretty painful fall. At that sight Kara couldn't help but roll her eyes. Sure, that had been a foul by anyone's standards but honestly, it was like that kid had no clue when it came to how to land and as a result he had managed to twist himself **_exactly_** the wrong way. In spite of that, she knew he wasn't really hurt, at least not badly. Given how he was moving Kara was fairly certain that at most he had bruised his shoulder.

Well, the good news was that, given what she had seen so far in the court, chances were she wouldn't be the worst in the class. After all, **_that_** was one mistake she was unlikely to make, even if she had never really played pyramid before. She had seen other kids playing, of course --and she had even watched a couple of professional games on TV-- but she had never exactly been asked to join in... not that she'd ever wanted to.

Kara was still thinking about that when the first match was over and she found herself reluctantly approaching the court.

The truth was that she was more than a little nervous. She was used to being on her own and as a result being part of a team was pretty much a new experience for her but after a couple of minutes she started to relax. Teamwork may have been something she was not particularly comfortable with but she soon discovered that the game itself was nowhere near as hard as she had thought it would be. Her movements seemed to flow almost naturally and --to her surprise-- years of dodging all kinds of flying missiles had actually given her some pretty sharp reflexes. Sure, her mom's aim wasn't particularly accurate --especially when she'd been drinking... and she'd **_always_** been drinking-- but the bottom line was that one thing Kara certainly knew, and knew extremely well, was how to duck. That and how to take a fall.

As it turned out, that too gave her an unexpected edge on the court. Her stubborn determination to keep going when everyone expected her just to give up was something she realized almost immediately she could use to her advantage... and the truth was that the game was kind of fun.

Of course, even though the movements seemed to come naturally to her, the whole being part of a team thing was a different story all together. Whenever she got hold of the ball Kara basically refused to let it go and the idea of passing it to someone else never really crossed her mind... not that **_that_** was much of a problem.

Even though --especially at first-- her teammates hadn't really been doing much to include her, she still managed to get a hold of the ball seven times before the game was over and only once did she let go of it without scoring. Her teammates were delighted when they realized that they had won but Kara could hardly keep herself from jumping out of her skin when she felt a heavy hand land on her shoulder.


	11. Scene 11: There's a New Wind Blowing

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Scene 11: There's a New Wind Blowing  
(Age: 13)

The truth was that for the first time since her dad had left Kara was feeling almost happy. Well, maybe not 'happy', but things were definitely looking up... of course that didn't mean they **_weren't_** more than a little confusing.

Much to her surprise she had been asked to join the school's pyramid team, even though it was almost unheard of for anyone under the tenth grade to get in. **_That_** had been unexpected, especially because she was at least three years younger and about a foot shorter than pretty much everyone else... of course, being that much shorter meant she **_didn't_** need half an hour to change directions and it also meant that her rivals kept underestimating her. That was kind of fun. In fact she had discovered that she actually loved playing. It was a challenge to go up against the older kids and it felt great to know that there was something she was actually good at.

Yes, having made the team had turned out pretty okay but it had also brought about a huge change in her status in school, one she was still struggling to come to terms with.

Being the youngest player in the team had made her a sort of hero, at least with the guys in her own class... well, maybe not a hero but all of a sudden they all wanted to hang out with her and they wanted her in **_their_** team. That had never happened to her before and she still wasn't too sure how she felt about the whole damned thing. Deep down Kara still preferred to be left alone but lately that hadn't been much of an option.

Her newfound popularity was something that had caught her totally off guard --that was for sure-- but it wasn't really all that bad. Of course, she wasn't really deluding herself. She was well aware that it wasn't really **_her_** that her classmates wanted, they just wanted what she could do for them. She knew that her new 'friends' didn't really like her, they just tolerated her, but still it was a lot better than being teased and picked on so she wasn't about to complain about it or call them on it any time soon.

If they wanted her because they wanted to win, that was fine with her... besides, she wasn't exactly adverse to winning herself so that did provide them with some sort of common ground.

Of course --even though things were much better-- not everything was perfect. In fact, while the guys in her own class were being a lot nicer to her, she was having more trouble than ever with some of the older students. It seemed like all of those kids who had tried for the team and failed were convinced that she had taken **_their_** place. How she had managed to take some three dozen places she wasn't really sure but that seemed to be the prevailing attitude.

On top of that there was also the fact that even though things were going a lot better with the guys, the girls were a different story. Sure, Kara got along well enough with the girls in the team as long as they didn't talk about anything but pyramid --though they certainly didn't want her to hang out with them-- but the girls in her own class seemed to be growing nastier by the hour. Kara was well aware that the whispers behind her back were getting louder, though --seeing how she'd had a lot of practice ignoring them anyway-- they didn't really bother her.

Being picked on was familiar and expected so she just continued to tune the girls out as she had been doing for years... besides, it wasn't like those whispers were telling her anything she didn't already know.

Kara knew she wasn't pretty, she knew her clothes were ugly and she had been teased about them ever since she could remember but this time around the comments seemed to be growing more insidious. It was like all of a sudden there was a lot more venom behind them and **_that_** was somewhat confusing. It was true that Kara had never really understood girls in the first place, with their giggling and their love of dolls and pink, but that wasn't the point. She had never been able to figure out why **_anyone_** would want to pretend to be the mother of a piece of plastic or anything like that. That was something that had always been beyond her --heck, Kara didn't even want to have a kid, not ever-- but for some reason now that dolls and pink had given way to fashion, brand names and boys, she understood them even less.

Who cared if pyramid players were cute? All that mattered as far as Kara was concerned was what they could do with the ball. **_That_** was supposed to be the whole point of the frakking game... not that anyone would have known it by listening to what most of the girls in her class had to say about it.


	12. Scene 12: Give Me Shelter from the Storm

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see scene 1_**

Scene 12: Give Me Shelter from the Storm  
(Age: 13)

Kara was trying desperately to get her breathing under control, to keep Ty from realizing just how scared she really was, even as she tried glaring at him. She didn't need anyone to fight her battles for her and she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself, thank you oh so very much.

Of course, trying to convince him of that while he had her in a headlock **_wasn't_** going to be easy.

The truth was that having someone looking after her was **_not_** something she was used to and all of a sudden she seemed to have grown herself about half a dozen self-appointed protectors, though Ty --the one currently giving her a noogie while he asked her if there was a problem and glared at the tenth grader who had been giving her a hard time-- was by far the worst of the lot. He was one of the biggest guys in the team and more than once he had stepped in when he saw one of the older kids picking on her. Unfortunately that didn't mean he didn't scare the crap out of her, especially because he insisted on coming up from behind and grabbing her by surprise like he had done just a minute earlier.

She **_hated_** that.

As a rule Kara wasn't particularly fond of people touching her. She hated the fear she felt when she saw their hands approaching and she also hated the fact that she had to fight to keep herself from flinching but that was nothing compared to what she felt when someone came up to her from behind with no warning whatsoever. Still, after a couple of months in the team, she **_was_** starting to get used to it and **_most_** of the guys seemed to have gotten the message that she didn't like being caught off guard so they were careful not to startle her. In fact Ty was the lone hold out in that regard and Kara was pretty sure that he did it just to annoy her.

Well, at least he had scared the boy away. In fact --seeing how fast he had run out of there-- maybe he would have been more successful if he'd tried for the track team instead of the pyramid one in the first place.

Kara barely managed to keep herself from sighing in relief when Ty finally let go of her, ruffled her hair and told her that it had looked like she could use some help before simply walking away. That left her shaking her head.

The thing was that even though she really enjoyed playing and she loved being on the team, she was **_still_** struggling to wrap her head around the whole concept of teamwork.

**_That_** was the one thing her coach kept going on and on about, of course, seeing how the results didn't really give him much reason to complain, she could usually keep him from giving her too much grief about it.

Kara was an aggressive player and she knew it. She never held back, that was what had gotten her in the team in the first place and she wasn't about to change that any time soon, not if she could possibly avoid it. The pyramid court was the one place in which it was safe for her to let herself go, the one place where she didn't have to be afraid, where she didn't have to hold back and where, if someone pushed her, she could actually push back. In fact the court was the one place where people actually **_expected her_** to fight back and that was a welcome change.

Of course, at times having to wear a uniform was a bit of a problem, though luckily the bruises were something that had grown a lot less frequent lately so it wasn't **_that_** bad. Still, Kara was pretty sure that her coach **_hadn't _**really bought her story when she'd tried to tell him that she had picked a fight with some kids in her neighborhood a couple of weeks earlier after she had shown up sporting a pretty spectacular black eye and an assortment of other bumps and bruises.

She was well aware that, as far as explanations went, that one had been pretty lame but what was she supposed to do? Tell him that her mom had finally sobered up long enough to realize that while she was drunk she had signed the form allowing her to join the team in the first place? Yeah, that would have worked wonders.

Luckily the man had decided not to push it. He had just given her a funny look, told her to let him know if she got into any more 'fights' and ever since that day he had taken to asking her if she was up to it before practice... that and he had also started asking her to stay after the team was done training for the day and helping her with her homework. That was weird and at first Kara had tried to protest but he had pointed out that he needed her on the court and couldn't afford to have her on academic probation so he was going to damned well make sure that her homework was done and done properly.

Well, considering her grades, Kara couldn't help but acknowledge that he **_did_** have a point about that but in spite of that she still wasn't sure that was the real reason behind his request, in fact she was pretty sure it wasn't, but seeing how she wasn't about to turn her back on a perfectly good excuse to avoid having to go home any time soon, she didn't make too much of a fuss about it either.


	13. Scene 13: THAT Stupid After All

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see scene 1_**

Scene 13: **_THAT_** Stupid After All  
(Age: 14)

Kara was sitting on the bench, fuming. She couldn't believe her coach had told her to sit the first real practice of the year out. Sure, she knew she was probably looking pretty colorful but it wasn't like that was anything new and, after the whole summer and the hell of the past couple of days, the court was **_exactly_** where she wanted to be. Still, she was on the bench and that was almost more than she had dared to hope for... though the whole situation was still incredibly confusing, at least as far as she was concerned.

She remembered that the trouble had begun two days before --on the very first day of school-- when the coach had handed her the consent form her mother was supposed to sign to allow her to rejoin the team. She had known almost immediately that that was going to be a problem, a big one.

Just as she had feared, her mom had made it abundantly clear that she had no intention of signing off on it no matter what. She simply told her that while she had managed to fool her into signing the thing the year before, there was no way she was going to get away with something like that twice and Kara had known right away that there would be no changing her mind. That hadn't exactly come as much of a surprise, but it had still been devastating.

She remembered having to walk up to her coach the day before to tell him that she wouldn't be able to play that year... and then him telling her that she would.

At the time Kara hadn't known what he had in mind, after all, she was all too aware of the fact that her mom had the final say on the matter and she had looked pretty damned determined, but then the man had shown up at the apartment, wanting to 'talk' about her place in the team.

Kara could hardly believe her ears when she heard him openly reminding her mom that there were **_way_** too many skeletons in her closet and then he had gone so far as to tell her that any attempt to keep her from the team would invariably result in all those skeletons being dragged out into the open. That obviously hadn't been a risk her mom had been willing to take just to make her life a little more miserable so she had signed the consent form then and there. Sure, Kara had had to pay and pay dearly for that particular concession as soon as her coach left -- and that was the reason why she was currently reduced to warming the bench-- but as far as she was concerned it had definitely been worth it.

Her coach, however, hadn't thought so. When he'd first laid eyes on her early that morning he had been furious. She had seen it in his eyes and for a moment she had been tempted to take a step back but then he had placed a hand on her shoulder, told her to take it easy for a couple of days and --as usual-- hadn't really said anything else about it. **_That_** was something Kara had been deeply grateful for, the fact that he hadn't asked any questions.

Of course, the fact that she was grateful for that didn't mean she didn't find the whole situation to be more than a little weird. She had known her coach for almost a year and in that time --even though he had never pretended not to notice the bruises-- he had never tried to get her to talk or even volunteered to listen. In fact, except for the very first time when she had lied to him telling him that she had gotten into a fight, he had never openly mentioned them. Sure, he had marched her down to see the school nurse a couple of times but that had been about it... and, no matter how hard she'd tried, she had never been able to understand why.

That was the part that was driving her crazy. Kara had been struggling to figure out just what it was that the man was up to almost from the moment they'd met but no matter how hard she tried she just couldn't figure out what he wanted. He had spent hours helping her with her homework after school and he had always been there for her. A couple of times, when her stomach had rumbled in his presence, he had even gone so far as to buy her something to eat but he had never asked for anything in return... just that she give it her all in the court and, even then, he had told her that he knew she would have done it anyway. That was what he had said when she'd finally gathered the courage to ask him outright about it, after she had gotten tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Still, even though Kara had gotten kind of used to him being nice to her, nothing could ever have prepared her for the shock of seeing him basically blackmailing her mother into allowing her to keep on playing when she had all but given up hope. No one had ever done anything like that before, no one had ever stood up to her mother just to defend her, no one... and she had never expected it either.

Kara was used to having to fend for herself. She had been doing it pretty much ever since she could remember and she had always felt it was safer that way. Sure, she was a screw up and she kept messing things up but at least one thing she could be sure of was that she wasn't going to stab herself in the back any time soon. That was more than could be said about pretty much anyone else as far as she was concerned and she had never been one to take stupid chances in that regard. After all, she was stupid but not **_that_** stupid... or so she had thought.

The problem was that she was finding it harder and harder not to trust her coach --especially after what he had done the day before-- so who knew, maybe she really **_was_** that stupid after all.

* * *

**_Author's notes_**: Hi guys, okay, hopefully that explains the coach... and Kara's reaction to him. I know some of you saw her distrust as a sign that he was up to no good but the way I saw it, at this stage for Kara the idea that an adult in a position of power might actually care was probably unthinkable so that was the way I approached it. 

Sorry if I had you a little worried,

Alec


	14. Scene 14: Screaming in Silence

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Scene 14: Screaming in Silence  
(Age: 15)

Kara absolutely hated the summer. The weather was miserable and school was out. Sure, school she could **_definitely_** do without but unfortunately when school was out so was the pyramid team. That was the real problem, that and the fact that during the summer it was that much harder for her to come up with a way to avoid having to go home... especially since her mom had refused to allow her to get a summer job, just to annoy her. That had left her scrambling for something to do with herself.

Sure, there was a community center with a pyramid court in it but it was always way too crowded for her liking... especially during the summer, when a number of classes and activities were organized to keep the kids out of trouble while their parents were at work. Still, seeing how it was either that or risking an unpleasant encounter with some of the whores, junkies and drug dealers that had staked their claim on what passed for a court in the neighborhood park, Kara had reluctantly come to the conclusion that, if she wanted to play, the community center was the lesser evil. Unfortunately that conclusion had come back to bite her on the ass.

The problem was that, seeing how she was a couple of years older than most of the kids there, at one point one of the volunteers had cornered her in the court and she had basically volunteered her to teach a bunch of brats ages eight through twelve the basics of the game.

Kara **_still_** wasn't entirely sure what could possibly have possessed her to agree to **_that_** but the bottom line was that she was stuck. Well, at least the fact that she was 'teaching' gave her an excuse to claim the court as her own for several hours a day... though more than once she had been tempted to strangle one of the kids, just on the general principle. Sure, she knew what to do with the ball but she **_didn't _**have the patience. She just wanted to be left alone and in that regard teaching was **_definitely_** a bad idea.

Of course, part of the problem was that **_alone_** just wasn't much of an option either... in fact, even though she was teaching the younger kids, her time on the court was still way too limited for her liking. Once that was over she usually had no clue as to what she could possibly do with herself.

Out of sheer boredom she had tried to join in on some of the other activities but it felt weird and --for the most part-- her experiences had been anything but successful. In fact the only thing that had sort of worked had been an art class. That hadn't been so bad. The way she saw it, painting wasn't much different from all the doodling she had been doing on her notebooks ever since she could remember, except for the fact that at least in art class she didn't have to worry about the possibility of getting yelled at... or so she had thought until the teacher had tried to get her to paint one fruit basket too many. At that Kara had decided to try to paint the thing as it would have looked after being left out rotting in the sun for three whole days, with bugs crawling all over it.

As far as she was concerned her little experiment had turned out pretty okay but her teacher had not been amused.

Well, if nothing else at least Kara had to admit that fruit baskets were a little less corny than flower vases, though the shapes of the flowers **_were_** more interesting. Fruits were just big blobs of color. That wouldn't have been so bad if it hadn't been because her teacher insisted that she had to try to get things to look as close to the original as she possibly could. Her teacher wanted her bananas yellow, her apples red and her oranges orange... and in all cases she wanted to see a happy, happy world in which the sun was shining. **_That_** was where they had a problem, a big one.

Kara had never been too good at playing by the book or doing as she was told to begin with --not to mention that her disposition was anything **_but_** sunny-- but when it came to painting she soon realized that trying to follow her teacher's instructions was even worse. There it was like being tied down after being promised absolute freedom and she hated it... not that when she had tried to do her own thing it had gone much better. 

A few times, when the teacher wasn't looking, Kara had tried to paint what **_she_** wanted but the truth was that --even though she had a clear image in her mind of exactly what it was that she was trying to do-- she had never been able to get it onto the page. Her paintings always looked off, broken and distorted and **_that_** frustrated the hell out of her.

Still, even though her efforts never quite turned out like she was expecting them to, Kara had come to appreciate the possibilities afforded by a simple notebook. In a way painting was a lot like screaming in silence and, even though she hated being constrained by the page, drawings could be hidden away without too much trouble... not to mention that the basic materials weren't all that expensive. Those were some pretty major advantages and who knew, maybe someday she would be able to do it, maybe someday she would be able to get the things she could see in her head to appear on the page.


	15. Scene 15: The Lesser Evil

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_****_  
_**

Scene 15: The Lesser Evil  
(Age: 16)

Kara tried to be as quiet as she could as she let herself into the apartment, knowing that, even though her mother was almost certainly asleep, it didn't really pay to take stupid chances. She had a little over an hour to clean up, change and be out the door again but even that was more time than she cared to spend there.

As she let the water run over her she tried to shake off the exhaustion but it wasn't really working. **_That_** was a problem.

She was tired. The truth was that months of going to school, then to practice, then studying before going out looking for any excuse to avoid having to come home were starting to take their toll on her but at the same time she didn't really think she had much of a choice... not when the alternative was coming home.

More than once she had considered the possibility of dropping out of school, of just walking away from it all and never coming back. That would have been the easy way out but the truth was that Kara had never been one to do the easy thing and she wasn't about to start now. Walking away would have meant running away and that sounded too close to admitting defeat, to admitting that her mother had gotten the best of her, and that just wasn't in her nature.

Besides, running away would also have meant letting her team down... and her coach. They were counting on her to be there and walking out on them just wasn't an option, not as far as she was concerned.

She loved playing pyramid. The court was her haven and she wasn't about to give it up no matter what, not to mention that the idea of letting her coach down made her feel almost literally sick. Sure, the man was gruff and he kept growling at her because --even after more than three years in the team-- she **_still_** wouldn't pass the ball as long as there was a chance in hell that she could make the play on her own, but he had always been there for her and she wasn't about to forget that any time soon, nor was she about to repay his support with a betrayal.

The truth was that in a way the past three years had been the best of her life, or at least the best since her dad had left. She had finally managed to find a place of her own and she was respected for it. She was the best at what she did and she liked it that way. Besides, as long as she could avoid having to come home things weren't all that bad... and avoiding having to come home was getting easier simply because there were so many guys vying for a chance to frak the star of the pyramid team that she pretty much had her pick. It felt good to at least be able to pretend that someone wanted her, to have someone holding her and touching her without hurting her, to be able to forget... even if it was only for a little while.

Besides, even if it was just pretending, it was still one hell of a lot better than having to come back to the apartment where the drunken advances of the losers her mom kept bringing home were getting more and more frequent. Sure, there had always been the occasional creep coming after her but lately those seemed to be the norm rather than the exception and --even though she was now older and they were usually so drunk that, for the most part, she didn't have much trouble fighting them off-- it was still anything but fun. It was better to just stay out of their way and besides, it wasn't like anyone would care.

Her mother sure didn't.

In the past couple of years they had gradually come to a sort of understanding: Kara stayed as far away as she could, she didn't ask her mom for anything and her mother pretended that she didn't have a daughter and left her alone. That way they were **_both_** free to do whatever they wanted.

That was just fine as far as Kara was concerned. After all, she was completely self-sufficient and it had been years since she'd last needed anything from her mom other than to have her sign the occasional piece of paper to keep up appearances.


	16. Scene 16: A Time to Choose

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Scene 16: A Time to Choose  
(Age: 16)

Kara was glaring at her coach with everything she had. Who did the man think he was? Her father? She couldn't believe they were having this conversation but she knew better than to try to walk away. Of course, the fact that she was stuck listening to him didn't mean she had to be a willing participant.

"You just can't keep sleeping around," he told her for what felt like the umpteenth time.

"Well, sir, with all due respect, I don't see how that's any of your frakking business," she growled, almost losing her temper, even though she knew that would be a **_really_** bad idea.

"Watch your language, kid... and that's not an answer," said the coach, refusing to take the bait and let **_her_** off the hook.

"'You just can't keep sleeping around' wasn't exactly a question either," Kara pointed out, rather defiantly.

"So you want to lose everything you've worked so hard for these past three years?" he asked. "Because I can promise you that's exactly what would happen if you were to get yourself pregnant. Right now you have a shot at pretty much any college you want to go to. Even though you still have almost two years to go before you graduate, there are several schools that have already expressed an interest in you and your grades are good enough to satisfy the basic academic requirements that would allow you to qualify for a full pyramid scholarship in any of them. We are talking top schools here and from there you would have a good shot at the pros and everything you've dreamed of. Are you really willing to jeopardize that for a one night stand?"

"No, but..."

"No 'buts', Kara. This has got to stop," he interrupted, leaving her feeling more than a little lost.

"Yeah, well, I don't see you getting on anyone else's case," snapped Kara, trying to fight back. Besides, it wasn't so damned simple. **_That_** was the part her coach didn't seem to understand... no, that was the part her coach couldn't **_possibly_** understand.

"No, you are right, but the bottom line is that, even though it is not fair, you are at a greater risk than pretty much anyone else in the team. You are by far the strongest one of the girls and the only one of them I see as having a real chance to make it to the pros, hell, you are probably the only one with a good shot at as much as a scholarship," he reminded her. "As for the guys, even though I would give hell to any of them if they were to be stupid enough to get a girl pregnant and I would make **_damned_** sure they took responsibility for their actions if they wanted to remain in the team, the fact is that such a pregnancy would not interfere with their ability to play. **_That's_** what makes you special and that's the reason you can't afford to take any chances."

"I'm not taking chances. I'm being careful," she said, rather defensively.

"That's not good enough, kid. Accidents happen no matter how careful you are... and I have to say that, the way you are going, the odds are getting pretty much stacked against you," he pointed out, making her blush.

"Yeah, well, my mom always said I'd never be anything but a whore," she spat out, feeling hurt and trying desperately to fight back the urge to yell at him to stop being so damned naive, that it wasn't **_that_** simple. She regretted her words almost immediately, knowing she had said too much, but she knew there was no way for her to take them back so she was going to have no choice but to deal with the fallout. Besides, what else was she supposed to do? Tell him that she'd much rather take her chances with whatever guy would have her for the night than with the guys her mom kept bringing home, that she liked having a frakking choice, thank you oh so very much? That was not an option and she knew it. Sure, she trusted her coach more than she had ever trusted anyone but telling him **_that_** was a line Kara was not willing to cross... it was a line he had never asked her to cross before and that prospect terrified her.

Kara was well aware that her coach knew things were far from perfect at home --and he knew she knew he knew-- but they had never really talked about it, in fact they had been carefully dancing around the subject for years. That was their tacit agreement: he didn't ask her about her home life and she didn't lie to him about it but now for the first time since they had met he was really pushing it... though Kara knew chances were he didn't even realize he was doing it.

"So I guess this is where you have to make a choice, isn't it?" asked her coach in an oddly conciliatory tone, catching her totally off guard and bringing her attention back to their little 'chat' but --even though she was deeply relieved by the fact that he seemed to be willing to back down, at least a little-- Kara wasn't ready to relax just yet. Things were far from over and she knew it.

"A choice?" she asked, rather hesitantly, realizing almost instinctively that she was walking into a trap but not quite knowing how to avoid it.

"Yes," he confirmed. "You say that your mother told you you would never be anything but a whore, so now the question is what do you want to do? After all, you are not a little kid any more. You are old enough and smart enough to make your own choices so, the way I see it, it is basically up to you to decide if you want to prove her right or prove her wrong."


	17. Scene 17: Good Enough?

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Scene 17: Good Enough?  
(Age: 17)

Kara was drowning in a sea of college application forms and glossy pamphlets promising a bright and shiny future. There were about two dozen schools that were actively trying to recruit her and, while that was great, their sheer number **_wasn't_** making her choice any easier. That situation was made that much more complicated by the fact that one of the things she had discovered while trying to tackle the mountain of forms was that the schools expected her to have at least some sort of clue as to what it was that she wanted to do with her life other than 'play pyramid'. Unfortunately she had never really given that particular aspect of things much thought and that was coming back to haunt her.

To make matters worse, there were also all sorts of questionnaires she was expected to answer to let the schools know who she was, why she wanted to attend and so on. Kara hated it when people started asking questions but that didn't mean that she didn't hate answering stupid questionnaires even more. The way she saw it, with people she could usually at least look them in the eye and listen to their voices to get some sort of clue as to what it was that she was expected to say to **_try_** to keep herself out of trouble. A piece of paper, on the other hand, was no help whatsoever in that regard and she couldn't help but fear that she was going to mess the whole thing up, especially because her coach had warned her that --even though in her case those questionnaires were basically a formality-- providing an honest, straightforward answer, such as 'none of your frakking business', was not really an option.

In other words, she was expected to take the questionnaires seriously and answer politely and that was a problem because she just didn't do polite... no pyramid player worth a damn did. Simply put, asking your opponents to please pass the ball because you would really, **_really_** like to score against them was **_not_** part of a winning strategy and Kara knew it. Unfortunately, when she had tried to remind her coach of that basic fact, the man had just laughed her off and told her to try it anyway. The problem was that what he hadn't seemed to realize was that it **_wasn't_** that she was not trying... it was just that she was failing miserably.

The truth was that, even though she tried to appear confident and even cocky to the rest of the world, Kara was feeling totally out of her depth. Sure, she knew she was good when it came to playing pyramid, very good, but she was also very aware of the fact that that was the only thing she was good at and all of a sudden she was coming to the realization that going to college on a pyramid scholarship would entail more than just playing the game. Her coach had told her to think of her major as her plan B, but that hadn't really been much help.

The only other thing Kara was passionate about was painting but she couldn't deny the fact that art school did **_not_** a good plan B make. First of all there was the fact that --as much as she liked it-- she knew that art was not a practical professional choice, simply because it wasn't something that would ever allow her to earn a steady income in case of emergency... and that was kind of the point of having a plan B to begin with. On top of that there was also the fact that she hated art teachers almost as much as she enjoyed painting. Finally there was no denying that, even if art school were a good option professionally, and even if she didn't hate art teachers, the best art schools still weren't exactly known for their athletic programs and that basically ruled them out.

That left her with no choice but to consider some more traditional choices, and she wasn't the least bit interested in any of them... or rather she wasn't interested in any of the majors she had a snowball's chance in hell of making it in academically. Kara couldn't really imagine herself in business school or anything like that no matter how hard she tried, that was a fact, but at the same time those majors she **_could_** see herself being interested in didn't seem much more viable. Sure, ever since she was a little girl she had always been fascinated by space and spaceships, so both astronomy and aerospace engineering sounded kind of appealing, at least in theory, but she knew choosing something like that would entail a huge risk. She knew that if she was going to be going to school on a pyramid scholarship she couldn't afford to end up suspended from the team for failing to keep her grades up and the bottom line was that she couldn't see herself keeping up with the academic requirements of either of those majors.

The thing was that, even though for the most part her grades had been pretty good for the past five years, Kara was almost painfully aware that that was only because her coach had taken it upon himself to make sure that she kept up with her studies. She remembered all too well what her grades had been like before he had gotten involved and she knew she couldn't exactly take her coach with her when she went off to college... not that she didn't want to. In fact the idea of being forced to leave her coach behind was the thing she was dreading the most about the whole prospect of graduating.

No matter how hard she tried, Kara couldn't help but fear that as soon as she was left to her own devices she was going to screw her life up royally and, even though her coach had told her more than once that she would be just fine, she didn't really believe him. Sure, she trusted him but what he was telling her required her to trust herself and **_that_** was a different matter altogether. In fact Kara was well aware that her lack of faith in herself out of the court was something that frustrated the hell out of her coach but she really couldn't help it.

That had been a sore spot between them for a while and it had gotten so bad that a couple of days prior her coach had issued her a little challenge: he had told her to choose a top school that **_hadn't_** offered her a scholarship and send in her application anyway... without even mentioning the word 'pyramid' in it. Kara thought he was crazy and she also thought that the whole thing was bound to be a waste of time but, seeing how she had nothing to lose, she decided there was no point in trying to argue with him so --much to her dismay-- she found herself with yet another form being added to her already daunting pile. Still, seeing how she didn't really want to waste too much time trying to figure out which school to apply to --and assuming that her coach wouldn't think art school was much of an option either-- she decided to stick to what she knew and what she knew was the military... and the sky.

Sure, she knew it was crazy. After all, she was well aware that when it came to Colonial Flight School there were close to one hundred candidates for each available spot so her chances of being accepted were virtually non-existent but, the way she saw it, a military academy **_certainly_** ruled out the possibility of a pyramid scholarship and that was kind of the point. Besides --even though she didn't really think anything would come out of it-- Kara couldn't help but to try to imagine her mother's face if she were to tell her that she had been accepted to the most coveted of military schools and that **_she_** had turned **_them_** down... especially after that same military had kicked her mom out years before.

Kara knew she was being childish, of course, but seeing how her coach wanted her to send in that application anyway --and seeing how she wasn't expecting anything to come out of it no matter what-- she figured she might as well give it a shot.


	18. Scene 18: Of Doors and Windows

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see scene 1_**

Scene 18: Of Doors and Windows  
(Age: 18)

Kara was staring --or rather glaring-- at her raised knee in almost total disbelief.

It wasn't so much that it hurt, not really. After all, pain was something she was intimately familiar with, something she could deal with. No, the problem was that she was well aware of what the consequences of what had happened to her were going to be. Unlike what had been the case when she'd been little and her mom had broken her fingers --when she hadn't understood that those injuries meant she would never really be able to play the piano again-- this time around she knew what the price was going to be.

The doctor had already been by to tell her exactly what was wrong. It had been a very long explanation, full of unpronounceable words such as 'anterior cruciate ligament', 'medial meniscus' and some other crap that basically boiled down to the fact that she had managed to royally frak some cursed ligaments in her knee. According to the doctor her injury was a fairly common one, especially among female athletes. She didn't even bother to try to point out to him the obvious fact that --seeing how hers had been a contact injury-- her gender probably had had nothing to do with it, besides it didn't really matter. What mattered was what he had told her in terms of what she could expect in the near future. That had been the part she had found to be utterly devastating.

She was looking at major reconstructive surgery and after that she would have two or three weeks before she'd even be able to walk and start an intensive regime of physical therapy. It would be three months before she'd be able to do so much as **_think_** of jogging, four months to running and at least six months before she'd be able to go back to something that could possibly be described as 'normal' training. In fact it would probably take her almost a year to get back to her previous form... if she ever did. **_That_** was the part she was having a hard time trying to come to terms with... especially because she didn't have six months, much less a year. She had spent the past four and a half years training with a single goal in mind: to make it to the pros as a pyramid player. That was the only thing she was good at... or rather that **_had been_** the only thing she **_had been_** good at.

Sure, at least in theory she was expected to make a complete recovery but there were no guarantees that she would ever be able to go back to her previous form, not to mention that even in a best case scenario --one in which she **_only_** required six months of intensive physical therapy-- that wouldn't even be enough to get her into a college team before the next school year... and no school was likely to waste a perfectly good scholarship on a freshman that was likely to miss most of the season anyway, not if they didn't absolutely have to. Kara knew that if only she had accepted one of the offers she had received she probably would have been just fine, as the school would have been unlikely to back out of a 'done deal' because that wouldn't have looked good, but she **_hadn't_** made up her mind and that was the real problem.

The game had been less than twenty-four hours before and three of the schools that had been fighting to have her attend had already contacted her to let her know that, while they regretted what had happened to her, they had no choice but to withdraw their offer of a full scholarship. Kara knew it was only a matter of time before she would hear from the others and the truth was that --seeing how she didn't exactly have a college fund and that in order to qualify for some sort of student aid she should have checked the appropriate boxes in her original application forms-- she didn't have a clue as to what her next step was supposed to be. Getting hurt was **_not_** an eventuality she had ever considered, at least not seriously, but seeing how she was going to be stuck in bed for a while, it looked like she was going to have plenty of time to think about it.

To make matters worse, seeing how colleges for the most part recruited their athletes straight out of high school and the pros recruited mostly from the college pool, Kara knew that missing her freshman year meant that --even if she could manage to make a complete recovery--chances were that she was forever out of the loop.

Well, the good news was that at least she was eighteen... barely. That meant that she was legally an adult so the hospital **_hadn't_** called her mother. That had spared her from having to hear her mocking her, taunting her... besides, she hadn't been alone, not really.

Her coach had been with her almost constantly, trying to comfort her and cheer her up --even though there was nothing he could do to make things better-- and most of her teammates had been in and out of her room, keeping her company... and probably driving the nurses crazy in the process. Either that or --knowing some of the guys-- they had been chasing after them, flirting and trying to get a date.

Even the guy who had fouled her had dropped by to apologize, looking really sorry about what had happened.

Deep down Kara knew that the whole thing had been nothing but a stupid accident and she had tried to tell him that but the truth was that she probably hadn't sounded all that convincing... especially because she hadn't really been able to forgive him, not yet. It may have been just a stupid accident but it had been a stupid accident that had come at the worst possible time as far as she was concerned. It had been a stupid accident that had cost her **_everything_**.

She was still thinking about that --and not really paying much attention to her coach's attempts to distract her-- when the man let out a resigned sigh, grabbed the duffle bag he had brought with him and handed her a brand new 100-page sketchbook and some fancy color pencils.

Kara was incredibly touched. She remembered some of her hospital stays back when she was little and no one had ever done anything like that for her. In fact what she remembered the most about those stays was being scared, in pain and alone... and --once the pain had subsided a little-- being really, **_really_** bored.

After that her coach gave her a box of chocolates, a big one, telling her that she should probably keep those well away from her teammates.

She was still looking at him, not quite knowing what to say or do, when she saw him reaching into his bag for the third time and pulling out an envelope, one he promptly handed over to her without saying a word.

Kara eyed him with some suspicion, wondering just what the hell it was that he was up to, but rather than telling her he just gestured for her to open the damn thing already. Looking down at it she saw the official seal decorating it and did a double take. She looked at her coach again and this time he just nodded at her.

With a trembling hand she tore it open but she was too scared to even make sense out of the words she was reading so it took her a couple of minutes to recognize the significance of just what it was that she was holding in her hands.

She couldn't believe it, so she read it again and again but no matter how many times she did that, the words remained the same.

What she was holding in her hands was a letter... an **_acceptance_** letter welcoming her to Colonial Flight School.

THE BEGINNING...

* * *

**_Author's notes_**: Hi guys, as you can see you've reached the end of **_Shards_** and I really hope you liked it.

I know Kara is not quite where she was when the mini started just yet but please keep in mind that there are about ten years in between so that probably accounts for some of the differences. Seeing how this was supposed to be a character study dealing with her childhood, that gap was kind of unavoidable.

I also wanted to thank you for your reviews. They have been deeply appreciated, especially because I ran into some problems with a couple of fans (no one from this site though) that came close to causing me to give up on the fandom altogether.

Well, that's it for now (though hopefully I'll be back in a couple of weeks),

Alec


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